so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
