He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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