So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
