Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
