I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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