Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize