Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
