I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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