I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
