No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
false alarm. still invincible.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
