I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
