her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize