Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
