He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
