one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
