How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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