thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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