I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
