Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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