God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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