My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
