I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
40s are totally the cure
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
