I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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