Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
