I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
