So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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