i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
