I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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