So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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