they need to just BURY HIM!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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