So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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