Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize