you mean i was at the winter classic?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
