sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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