i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Who died my cat blue again?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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