I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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