he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the day after is always just damage control
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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