I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
