it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
