She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
