Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize