brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
