Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
