Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
