Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
