i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize