My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize