I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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