i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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