Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
