so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
