when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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