i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
