Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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