I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
