i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize