WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
