I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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