i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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