Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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