Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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