Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
