I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
