You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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