I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
