Me too!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
