Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
