he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
